if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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