these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize