I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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