That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
