K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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