God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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