also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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