Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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