i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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