How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize