Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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