We named our party play list daddy issues
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Couch. On fire.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
