hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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