I faked an abortion last night.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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