We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize