How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
