I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
