his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this just has baby written all over it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize