Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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