I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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