Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
