His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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