There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
