hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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