is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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