I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
