Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
