My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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