haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
