He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize