please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
