Do you still have your period?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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