But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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