I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize