I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
