now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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