You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Randomize
