walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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