ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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