I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
