Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
