is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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