Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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