dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
