the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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