dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
