you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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