So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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