she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Im part way to drunk.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize