and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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