i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
