Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
