This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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