That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
