I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
