Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
