ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
