I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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