I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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