i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
