my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
