Ambien. No doubt about it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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