The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
