were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize